This story is all about the person my brother is and how I can't wait to beat him down and hopefully knock some sense into him.

He grew up as a loner. He liked to be alone doing his own thing. Being 2 years younger than me, he had to sit in the shadows and watched as I was patted on the back for whatever it was I was doing at the time. He didn't seem to mind, he enjoyed just being himself. He would stay in his room all day watching educational tv like pbs or something. He was always into history. He didn't care about material possesions, while I had to have the most expensive of everything. He never really had any friends because while other kids were spending the night at each others houses and playing video games he just wanted to watch tv and learn about history and astronomy. He actually preffered to have intellectual conversaions with adults rather than with kids his own age. He had a few friends spend the night at our house but they always ended up playing with me becuase they got bored just sitting there, they wanted to have fun.

While I was playing little league baseball he had to tag along to all my games and he got free consession stand food because we knew the owner of the park. He got fat sitting in the bleachers over the years. When he got to the 5th or 6th grade he was so fat that his classmates made fun of him and he begged for our mom to homeschool him. She did it for a year I think before he decided to go back. Once he got into high school he decided it was time to lose the weight and he went from 240lbs. to about 160lbs. in about six months or so. Doesn't sound healthy but he did it. Took a lot self control and determination.

When he was in high school he was searching for his place to fit in, as everyone does. At one point he got into the white supremacy thing and listened to the skinhead music with swastikas and all. If that wasn't strange enough, his only friend at the time was a black guy. I thought skinheads didn't like black people, or is it jewish people, I don't know. Anyway, that stuff didn't last too long and he moved on to something else still trying to fit in. About this time, I was about 14-16, I don't really remember because I was just getting into drugs at that age, kind of fuzzy. I guess I was his best friend and when I didn't invite him to go out and party with me I think he got his feeling hurt a bit. We didn't really hang out that much after that. I moved out when I was 16, took a court order for me to leave. I don't really know what he was into while I was gone. At some point I moved back home before I was 18 just to leave again and he was dabbling with drugs so we had something in common and we smoked weed together and stuff. I left for another year or so and eventually came back to my moms house to live. We started hanging out more and getting high together.

Jumping ahead a bit, his whole personality starts to change. We both flip flopped, I was kind of self centered and he was more caring growing up, but now he's completely self centered and I put others before myself. He doesn't like his family anymore and wants to get away as far as possible. So he finds a school that is 12 hours away and has our mom buy him a newer car and pay for everything he needs. This was his 3rd car that was given to him, I had to pay for all of mine, matter of fact they told me when I was 16 that I was old enough to get a job and that I had to pay for everything from then on, such as a car, clothes, etc. Everything was given to him and I had to pay for all my stuff. While he was at the school the dorms security guuard smells weed coming from his dorm room and finds a bag of pot under his matress. He wasn't even there but he takes the wrap for it and gets banned from the dorms. Our mom had to drive 12 hours to bail him out of jail and to fiind him a new place to live. She is now paying for his schooling, apartment, car, utilities, insurance, and pumps money into his bank account so he can buy food. He treats her like dirt and tells her that he is better than her and she is nothing. She said something to make him mad while she was there and he spit gum in her face. If I had been there he would have been hurting, but she just acts likes everything is ok and continues funding him.

We all went there to watch him graduate and somehow he managed to piss everyone off and we went home all mad. He decides a few days later to come home and make up. The weekend after graduation he comes home and our mom has already signed up to work at a music festival over the weekend and he goes to work at it too. That night about 4am she wakes me up and says that something bad has happened and that I have to help her find him. While they were at the the festival they got free drinks and he started drinking early, she said he was fine though.After the festival was over they go to a night club to celebrate his graduation and he drinks more. Apparently he got so wasted he didn't even know what he was doing. For some strange reason when they left the night club she let him drive both of them home. She said that all of a sudden for no reason he started driving 100mph yelling something about 'do you want to be scared' and 'are you ready to die' or something like that. He slams on the brakes skidding down the street, gets out of the car saying something about our dad doesn't love him and that he is going away for about 10 years and takes off running into a subdivision. She looks for him and can't find him so thats when she came and got me.

I had to be at work at 6:30am so I had to leave but I called her back later that day to check on him and she said he is in jail and that he is in a bunch of trouble with the law. I don't think I'm supposed to say what all happened but he went house to house looking for unlocked doors and finally found one and went in. The police say that he picked up a weapon, hid the weapon and then woke someone in the house up. He doesn't remember any of that though. He left the house ran thru the woods scratching himself all over from branches and bushes and rang the door bell of another house. He told the people inside that he did something bad and to call the police. The police get there and don't believe his story. They went house to house looking to see if his story was true and finally found it and arrest him for aggrevated assault with a deadly weapon and aggrevated burglary with a deadly weapon because he picked up a sock while he was inside and put it in his pocket.

While he is in jail he begs and pleads to our mom to get him out and even cries telling her he will do anything just if she can get him out. They set his bail at a quarter of a million dollars. Later they reduce it to $110,000 which is what the victims said was appropriate. Our grandmother puts her house up so he can get out. Our mom, grandmother, and some family friends each put in several thousand dollars each for the lawyer. He promises that he will move back home and get a job to pay all the money back. He gets off with 1 year in a christion rehab type place and 8 years of probation. The christian rehab place turns out to be a cult and if you question their wacky beliefs or talked about your own beliefs they send you straight to prison. It happened to some of them.

So he does the time and moves back in with our mom. He gets a job and start making tons of money. Instead of paying back all he owes to family and friends, he spends all of his money on himself. He's been out just over a year now and has yet to pay back a single penny. When he is questioned about paying it back he gets upset and starts yelling. He refuses to pay any of it back because he thinks other people are supposed to pay for everything because that is how it's been for him his whole life. He still refuses to pay his car note and cancelled his insurance on it because he thinks the money that he makes is his and shouldn't have to pay bills with it. Although he only worked most of last year but still managed to spend about $30,000 and has nothing to show for it. He has thousands of dollars worth of crap he has bought over the past year. He spends hundreds and hundreds of dollars every week on things for himself and could care less about his family. The only one of us he cares about is our dad who has never done a single thing for us in our entire lives. I refuse to even acknowledge our dad because I was nothing to him growing up so he is nothing to me now. But yet my brother still has needs a relationship with him.

He is planning on getting married in May of this year. He doesn't tell our mom anything about the wedding and she wanted to be apart of it so she went to meet his fiances mother without telling my brother first. He got so pissed about that and I overheard him later saying 'that stupid bitch' over and over to himself and saying something about ruining his life. Our mom is the best person I have ever known while our dad is the worst father I have ever known. I honestly can't think of a better person in this world than our mom and after all of what she has done for him (you have no idea how much) he still treats her like dirt. He won't even speak to her now and he packed up his stuff this morning to move out without telling anyone until he was ready to leave. The only reason I know is because he asked me to help move some stuff, being the nice person I am, I helped. He has burnt every bridge in this family, including with me with the exception of our dad, and we still would do anything for him. He still thinks he is better than the rest of us and has told us that. He even had our dad co-sign for his apartment because his credit is shot from going to that christian rehab for a year and our mom not paying his credit card bills for some strange phone bill for $800 that he claims he has no knowledge of.

I've actually been waiting the past 4 months or so for him to say something to me or look at me the wrong way so I can have a reason knock some sense into him. Since I don't see him to often and when I do we don't really talk, it hasn't happend yet. The next time and possibly the final time I see him will be at his wedding where I am his best man. It was either me or our dad because he has no friends and I originally thought I would say no to being the best man but I do feel sorry for him seeing that we may not stay in contact after this. Every bit of this was his choice and all his own doings. Even though he may not see it the same way, he dug his own grave and now he is lying in it. It's sad it has to be like this but apperently this is how he wants it.

February 9, 2003

If you want to see a picture of him and his fiance and/or read the other article I wrote about him go here.